Easy Peasey

Not sure how many more P puns I can think of or get away with as titles but this one fits cos things are just so damn easy with this gorgeous man! So, to those that roll their eyes I apologise and, to those that like silly word play - me too!

After saying we'd wait till the third date on weds to get jiggy, when the day arrived it was all a bit teenage and angsty. As usual we text and talk a lot during the day but this time there's a dark background beat behind the melody of us being us. Like playing early Kylie cd’s whilst your neighbour has death metal blasting next door. Very disconcerting.

’Hello missus, you ok?’

‘Yeah, running round the supermarket now he’s finally picked the kids up. How’s work, babe?’

I'm having the mother of all fat days, how can I possibly think he'll fancy me without my carefully chosen, flaw-disguising and best-bits-emphasising clothes on?

‘Trainees are quite good, there’s not much for me to do but torment J in the office’

‘That makes a change from you tormenting me. Tell me again why we decided to exercise self control?!’

Exercises. For all the pelvic floor exercises I do, I've had three kids - will he

feel like he's playing his organ in a cathedral?

‘Because we want this to be more than just a bunk-up’

‘Oh yeah, that was it’

Will I be good enough? Or (without wishing to sound big-headed) more likely, will I be too good and will he then think badly of me? Will I become ‘just a bunk-up’ material because I’m more into the physical act and can’t easily let my emotions come into play?

‘Bloody hard tho, ain’t it? I’ve had a lazy on all day thinking about you’

‘That’s not exactly hard then, is it?’

He's 44 which I love cos I do have this thing for older men but they sometimes come with old fashioned attitudes. Usually I'd say if he can't handle it he ain't worth it but this time…

‘Cheeky cow, you know what I mean’

‘Yeah I do. And you’re not exactly alone in the situation, it’s just easier for me to hide. Tho I have had to stick my head in the freezer cabinets a few times during this shopping trip. The store detective is giving me funny looks and must think I have a frozen peas fetish’

‘I’m leaving early, the gas man should have been and gone by then so get round as soon as you can. Bring the peas’

I’m still grinning like a loon when it occurs to me that the neighbour has turned the music off.