Found that journal entry I mentioned.

I had yet another rash of angry, itchy red bumps around my otherwise kissable neck and upper back at the time. As if I don't feel ugly enough within my soul ffs, my skin has to go one further and advertise it to the world...

[quote]
Maybe if I could cry then the shit wouldn't have to find it's way out through my pores but I lock up and don't do crying cos it's weak and weak people are passive-aggressive and emotionally manipulative and abusive in my twisted experience. Tears have only ever been used against me so I can't let myself use my own for release. Funny really, while I was busy making sure (ok, overcompensating might be a better term) that I didn't lose my sexuality in order to prove that I was a survivor rather than a victim, I forgot to reclaim my right to cry. [/quote]

I need to be naked with a man. More to the point I need to be naked with a man that has a hard cock that he wants to put inside me. It's been way too fucking long.

On the upside I've found some Robbie b-sides that are fun and the new John Legend /Kooks/Razorlight offerings are pretty good.

On the downside I'm a skint single parent so can't afford the most delicious rentboy diarist, Monmouth, to cum and serve my most basic needs (but won't even think about looking for second/third etc., best!). At least not if No 2 Son is to have his replacement phys ed kit replacement needs met. It's a bloody sad day when 'my mate put his wet kit on mine in the locker and it went mouldy' comes before 'I've not had sex in 3 months and am seriously considering paying for it'...