Motherhood, men and multi-tasking

I looked up the chatline operators job and the first question after name and address stuff was 'have you had experience of phone sex?'. Just a yes or no tickbox, no space for 'well, not professionally but I'm a damn hot amateur with a 100% success level'. And anyway, this was for the form for the tarot reading positions!

I don't know why I'm even looking at jobs like this, my last time full time position was as a book-keeper and even part-time I was Area Manager in charge of forty people. I'm not a dim bird, I love learning on the job and pick things up easily, get along (and flirt) with all kinds of people and tend to get promoted quickly. I think that may be my fear actually, promotion usually means more hours and more responsibility and as a single parent there's only a set amount of time I want to be away from the kids, specifically babygirl. Then there's the whole poverty trap thing in that the more I earn the more rent etc. I have to pay, private rent isn't cheap and there's no way I could get a mortgage on my own.

It doesn't help that I'm a bit of an all-rounder and still haven't figured out what it is that I actually want to do, I usually fall into jobs through ex-colleagues moving on then ringing me to join them a rung up. Flattering, of course, but hardly a career plan.

Ick, enough whinging! I've been enjoying myself decorating babygirl's room the last few days. I've got one more coat of paint to do today then it's finished. My trusty cordless drill will come out for the new shelves and I'll even make sure that I put the tv bracket up the right way this time. Groovy Chick is dead (actually I think she was murdered in one of BG's hormonal mood swings!), she now has very grown up buttermilk walls and - eep! - wants a bra for christmas.

Policelady called when I was weilding my paintbrush and asked to come round for ten minutes. I thought she was going to tell me one of the parents had topped themselves over the weekend (friday being the first court appearance) but no, it was to make yet another statement. This time because step-dad was trying to say that my abuse by someone else (yes there was more than one incident, I obviously had victim tatooed on my forehead as a child cos I certainly wasn't irresistably gorgeous!) was the cause of my having knowledge beyond my 7/8 years. Bullshit, because this series of episodes happened after his but still I had to spend Monday thinking about it and Tuesday talking it through while she wrote it down.

Monday being my busiest teaching day I wasn't chuffed at having a head full of dredged up shit and A picked up that something was wrong. I denied it and kept my public smile despite his attempts to get me to talk but he wasn't fooled and mailed me later to say 'I can still listen you know. Lots of love'. Sweet. I sent a quick reply to say he had enough crap going on without me adding to it then sent a longer mail yesterday explaining, more honestly, that I didn't want to tell him then be disappointed in him for giving me the wrong reaction. I really must sort out my feelings towards that man, it's a big mass of confusion at the moment.

So today will be more painting, power tools and spirit levels, putting oil, water and brake fluid in the car and getting the tumble dryer fixed as well as doing all the child collecting and feeding that need doing. Who needs a man, eh?

I may not need one but I wouldn't mind having one around...