Thursday, April 19

Love calls you by your name

Sis tells me it's grass is greener syndrome. Tactfully, she reminds me that if you were here I'd not be doing karate. How I felt more suffocated than cared for. How I'd crave space after a week or so, just as you were settling in. How, far from my current fantasy of you helping me work through my thoughts and feelings, you would expect me to do so on your timetable. How I'd put my emotional shutters down and you'd keep me up all night trying to shout them back up. How you used the very intelligence and articulateness I fell in love with to keep me in my place.

Sure, those are some of the reasons I finished things after five years. That doesn't mean I don't wish things could have been different. You gave me so much, I was able to give you so much and we discovered so much together. I'll always love you for that, darling. And I really, really miss you.


I hope you find your manger, Joseph.

9 comments:

Troika said...

Oh for fuck's sake. Have you been swapping cliche's with EmmaK?

Is there a bucket anywhere?

Angela-la-la said...

Fuck off, I was pissed and reminiscing and it's my blog so I can write drunken shite if I want to so there.

xx

Ariel said...

Good typing for someone who's blotto. Amazing.

Ordinary Girl said...

Without wanting to sound like some crap song title... who the fuck is Joseph!!

Oh FB, I need the detail, the detail!!

Wild Cat said...

Agree with OG - who the fuck is Joseph.
Am also so jealous that your drunked posts (a) are spelt right and (b) make sense - what were you drinking .... LOL

xx

Lady in red said...

my guess brandy and coke

oh why do we do this to ourselves
it seems none of us are immune to feeling like this from time to time. but at least however pissed you seem to have the right perspective on this.

Lady in red said...

oh and hands off my joseph hes only a child

MommyHeadache said...

sometimes you just have to ignore troika...I don't know if he actually has any emotions. Anyhow, I thought it was a beautiful post and although things did not work out with your ex, I am sure you still have some great memories of someone who was almost right for you...for a while.

Erin said...

Hi thaanks for sharing this