As one door closes...

Having a sister who is a counsellor means I'm often nagged encouraged to gain closure over life situations in order to move on. Personally I think I'm good at closing doors, certainly if you ask my mother or ex-husband they'll tell you I actually slam them shut, fit extra locks then erect barricades. Decision made, door closed, discussion not permitted, that's me.

During a conversation last week a female acquaintance asked me why I was still single and before I could give a flippant answer a male mate jumped in with "Cos she won't let anyone look after her, that's why. Too independent for her own good!". I laughed it off by kicking him lightly in the head but it did make me think. Ok, I do good closing of doors but do I actually open any windows?

Joining dating sites is all well and good but my profiles are invariably based around 'wallflowers need not apply' type statements. Which, ok, is true, but not exactly inviting to anyone but the most arrogant, delusional or I'm mad, me! type of blokes, all guaranteed to send me running full tilt to delete any trace of myself from the site. A profile re-think was in order but before that I had to decide what I was willing to compromise on. A quick glance back at my ABC of MAN soon reminded me that there really wasn't anything.

I didn't pull 'Fussy Bitch' out of the air, you know. It's weird because I have such ridiculously low self-esteem you'd think I'd be grateful for any attention whatsoever but I seem to have gone to the other extreme where I actively discourage it by being so demanding of ridiculously high standards. Really, what was I expecting? A tall, handsome, ex-military, rugby playing type with a love of quoting lines from comedy films, a flair for IT and a degree in astro-bloody-physics? Who can write skilfully, banter with wit and speed, isn't married, cooks, loves music and understands that I'm a mother before all else? As if men even come in that flavour!

Wouldn't ya know, just as I accepted that I'd have to try to open a window to a lesser man and learn not to be resentful of his shortcomings, one exactly like my wish list sent me a message and we haven't stopped talking since.

Maybe sis is right, maybe you do have to open up and move on before life sends you the next chapter... just don't ever tell her I said that!