PMS (Poxy Mental Synapses)

Ick. My mind is all over the place of late and this post will no doubt reflect the lack of a mental A-Z, let alone sat-nav in my psyche so be warned, dear reader, and take care lest this madness is contagious.

Babygirl is settled into BIG SCHOOL and loving it. Me? I'm still having problems, not least of which is trying to explain to her just why Babyboy doesn't even so much as acknowledge her presence in the cafe without using the terms aspergers or autistic spectrum as, apparently, they l a b e l and, as such, l i m i t him but, other than that, and to paraphrase a famous book, she's ok so I'm teaching myself to be.

That said, this week I'm not only my standard can't-get-my-words-out but also manic pre-menstrual, as well as trying to fight off the ever present dark cloud of depression that loiters with great big bastard menaces whenever life appears to be moving in a good direction. Hence my feeling that if my precious Babygirl throws just one more pre-teen female strop over the tiniest threat of ten minutes detention just because an exercise book isn't covered in sticky-back plastic without a single crease I may just have to ask Drs McCann to write one of their (allegedly) special prescriptions.

Did that sound harsh? Ah bollocks, why am I even asking - of course it did! In my defence, what pisses me off most about this is that it tells me she just doesn't know, on her most basic levels, that I will meet and beat anyone that dares make her feel so threatened over such trivial bollockness. Does that mean that she hasn't heard anything I've told her about my protecting her? It certainly feels like it to me and by jingo it stings my soul. More than iodine on a fresh wound or a paper cut dipped in lemon juice does it sting. All I ever wanted, needed, my children to know is that I absolutely will protect them from harm whilst simultaneously encouraging them to be the best they can be in the world, use sunscreen and not drop litter. Times like this make me feel all these years of putting the work in have been in vain.



ION - Bing and I remain quite sickeningly happy together. He's arranged his work to spend more time here (such are the benefits of contracting and remote working) which not only means I get to be in his arms and in awe of his fantastic intelligence more often but things like teacher training clashing with my needing to be at college simply aren't a problem.

We talk just as much as each other about anything and everything and, as fellow geminis, understand the weird, flitty way both our minds work. Oh, and when he's not here I get flowers (yes - again!)

I know it's a sad soppy cliche but it really does feel like we've found our other halves.