Mish Mash Bosh

Randomness currently keeping me awake...

I hate this template but can't make my ideas work properly within the parameters of the medium. Does this make me an artist?*

When I was young a neighbour gave me nightmares when she showed me her 'freaky hair'. Not, this time, a creation of the other neighbour who'd learned hairdressing from watching her cousin and earned pin money ever after by butchering the barnets of people too skint, tight or idle to walk up to the local poodle perm parlour**, no. This was a single,

solitary,

forearm

hair

that grew

a n d g r e w

u n t i l i t w a s a b o u t f o u r i n c h e s l o n g! A a r r g h h!

My recall of this comes because I have one of my own now. It's sprouted on a part of my body that doesn't get shaved or Veeted but, as I'm not bonkers enough to be proud of it like my mad ex-neighbour (RIP, btw), I pluck the bugger as soon as it starts showing above it's fine, blonde counterparts. Open up, blog readers - do you suffer from a rogue follicle? I'm not saying we ought to put them on our CVs or anything but maybe we can work towards acceptance if we group together, eh?

Freaky-hair neighbour was mother to three sons - one of whom was the best teenage friend I never slept with and, sadly, all of whom became card-carrying members of the National Front - as well as the breeder of the second dog I'd ever known.

Tara was the most beautiful, pedigree Staffordshire Bull Terrier *** (bear in mind this was nearly three decades ago and neither chavs nor crack-dogs had been invented) that grew up alongside me and died just after I moved out. I was devastated at losing her and remember noting amongst the wall-punching, gut-wrenching grief, that this was the first time I'd ever seen my brother cry.

My gorgeous dog has been here for six weeks now and is such an integral part of the family I can't remember life without her.

I seriously suggest that people adopt a dog before having children, parenting would've been so much easier if I'd used dog training methods on my offspring. If only I'd known about simple, reward-based behaviour modification and the security of knowing ones place in the pack rather than all that emotionally clouded 'everyone is equal' crap that wore me out and causes constant squabbling and bruises between siblings.

Talking of bruises, Cake and I went to our final self-defence with bouncers session of 07 on Sunday. Putting all we'd learned together meant that things got a little, er, rough. She and I grappling and rolling over the floor was fun as well as instructional, however I came off a little worse against one of the blokes. A knee in the face is not pleasant, nor is your trainer insisting you carry on the bout even as you try to snatch a blood-stemming tissue from a concerned Cake! Still, at least the stars I was seeing stopped my brain registering the pain going on as he inflicted this massive contusion on my left arm...

The other bruises aren't so big but still there will be no short sleeves for me when I meet the Bingers this weekend! Oh yes, Bings are still going strong and I'm going up north to meet his parents and a fair few extended family Saturday night. Nervous, much? Halp!




*Anyone that says piss artist gets a dig, right?

** Yeah, ok. Guess whose mother was so tight that sis and I got sent across the road to Butcher Babs with a pound note when there was an occasion coming up?

*** This links to information about the dog we originally wanted to adopt but couldn't because he hadn't passed the 'safe with kids' test.