FB's ABC of MAN
A - Age. Recent experiences with older men have made me realise this isn't important.
B - Broad. Shoulders and chest, I mean. Combine them with a small waist and good thighs and I melt. Oh yeah, see G for what you're thinking of!
C - Children. He has to understand my protectiveness and not try to get in on our in-jokes unless expressly invited.
D - Dick. That he has one and doesn't act like one.
E - Emotional intelligence/maturity. Sensitive is good, tortured is bad. I don't mind helping anyone through the odd down time but don't be constantly moping round with your 'woe is me' act cos it isn't sexy and makes me want to assist your suicide.
F - Fuckability. Closely related to chemistry but not always to looks, an undefinable aspect that's either there or not.
G - Girth. Much more important than length as it feels fantastic and doesn't bash the cervix during vinegar strokes.
H - Humour. He simply must laugh, loud and often. Especially at my jokes.
I - Intelligence. He doesn't have to be a professor but Sun readers need not apply.
J - Job. Preferably something that involves wearing a suit or uniform. (Traffic wardens excepted)
K - Kinky. A willingness to play is essential!
L - Love. It's not all about sex, he has to be able to show something deeper.
M - Mother. If there are apron strings attached I will run away, fast. If he shows a healthy respect for her, their relationship is good and she's nice, he gets bonus points. Sympathy points for dead ones.
N - Nuts. Shaved. Yum!
O - Orgasm technique. Bonus points for having good ability, respect points for asking if he doesn't.
P - Past. We all have one but I don't want to hear every little detail about your ex's!
Q - Queen. The way to treat me in public. But not in the bedroom, in there I'm a dirty filthy ho.
R - Respect. I need a man I can respect. Once I lose that I just can't bear them breathing near me.
S - Sensitive. I like a man that's in touch with his feelings. Just don't take it too far and (oh, see E again!)
T - Tunes. He has to love his music and at least put up with mine. Shared tastes get bonus points.
U - Underwear. Clean goes without saying. Lycra boxers score extra points. Y-fronts or briefs score derisory laughter.
V - Very. Into me, that is.
X - X-factor. That certain something that makes him stand out and me stand up to catch his attention.
Y - Youth. Not about age as such, more about letting the childish side out occasionally and having a damn good time.
Z - Zips and other garment fasteners. Knowing how to undo them without breaking the flow of the proceedings is a very sexy skill!
I don't think that's much to ask, is it?
20 comments:
G - agreed. Sadly, mine is around my waist as well as where it counts so I'd fall down on B :(
U - what about "none"?
None is good :-)
It's mainly the shoulders and chest that do it for me, I can be less fussy about the rest if that and 'F' and 'H' are there.
If F = fugly then I'm yer man *grin*
H... I hope so. I'm 42 going on 14...
Great post FB. I'm really struggling with my criteria post. Not helped by lack of blogging this week. It is on it's way though! (~Eventually!!).
And lol at D! Absobloodylutely!
Hmm, I'm with ya most of the way except Z. They can have too much skill with the fastenings that keep us up and in. Too much skill with a bra fastening (i.e. one handed and in a single move) and you should be putting your clothes back on and skeedadleing. He's got waaaaay too much experience!
Love it!!! D is my fave! need to make a tshirt that says that!
FB, I absolutely love the descriptions of your blog roll! GREAT job!
I am so impressed with everyone's creativity, your ABC's, Sleepless's points, OG and her descriptions of FBs, FWBs, casual...I am in total awe of it!
That's not too much too ask for at all, FB! You summed up AC (in my eyes anyway). Go on, shoot me now! I know your sick of hearing about it!!!!
I think a man with the whole alphabet is asking for way WAY too much. Maybe asking for three letters would be more realistic? If you want a shag, that is? :)
Vi, I'd be the same if I had an AC (ooerr, I always mistype your name as Bi, someone page Dr Freud!)
Emma - you're probably right, but which three? :-)
clare - welcome! Explanation here...
http://www.vinegar-strokes.co.uk/
LOL at Nuts, shaved, yum comment!
That was like looking into some kind of alphabet mirror. I had to take off my uniform and hose my broad shoulders down.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. I desperately need sleep.
I love it FB!!! also agree with most of it...except shaved nuts? not sure about that - although I am planning to do an upcoming post on that soon ;-)
the mother thing - TOTALLY agree. Years ago I went out with a guy who was still tied to the apron strings of his AWFUL mother (who hated me) and it did my head in!!
A very interesting index and well personally I think I score well on:
B, C, D, E, G, H, I, J, K, M, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U and Y (in the latter context).
I can't comment on:
A, F, V and X
I score crap on:
N (How can you shave your own nuts without doing serious damage to yourself? I do try but it's too damned hard!) and Z (I never was any good with bra fasteners, but getting better!)
Hey, fwengebaby! How you doin'? ;-) Perhaps you could share your N solution with sleepless? Having had more enjoyment of the result than experience of the practicalities my only suggestion would be Veet and I imagine most fellas cringe at the thought of chemicals on testicles.
As for Z, a little fumbling is forgiveable - cute, even - just don't stop everything and tackle it like a physics project!
*cough*
Having suffered chemecal burns on more than one occasion, I would suggest that Superdrug's Sensitive Hair Removal Cream would be a better suggestion.
As for the razor... well, practice makes perfect ;)
Emma, I agree -- 3 might be enough. Might I suggest:
F
H
I
Well, really, maybe we should add E... E is good. Well K is nice too. Okay, R... and yes U as well. I can live with that.
Oh my g-d...this is brilliant!
Thanks for the post on my blog. :) Stay in touch.
E.
W - What about noticing when something is missing?
Wow! Bonus points to Salvadore!
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