Friday, June 8

Sex objects

You may not know this but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. S'troo I tell ya! Some examples...



FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

LMAO! These are brilliant. Well done. :)

Stray said...

Lol.

:)

Sx

Midnight said...

SWISS ARMY KNIVES are male because on the face of it they look useful but in reality they just spend a lot of time opening bottles.

Anonymous said...

Made me smile. Thank you.

May I offer that an i-pod machine is male - functional and disposable whilst the software is female - random shuffling to give bursts of pleasure. Perhaps?

A benign Anon.

Vi said...

Computers - female, so fucking tempermental!!!! I swear mine gets a monthly rag!

Anonymous said...

love, they are good, i pinced them to email on to my friend,

Anonymous said...

absolutely hilerious! my side hurt! xxxx

Anonymous said...

And coloured pencils?

Angela-la-la said...

Love those extra suggestions, clever sods you lot are!

Damian, hello. I reckon coloured pencils are female; bright, useful and constantly sharpened. Felt tips are male though; they dry out fast if you don't keep a lid on them!