Sunday, April 20

It's not me, it's you

Dearest B,

I think you know what I'm going to say but, for the sake of a clean break, I need to make it crystal clear. This relationship isn't working, for me at least.

I'm leaving.

Darling, please don't think that I don't remember or appreciate all that you've done for me. The unstinting support you gave during the darkest hours of my teens, marriage during my twenties, divorce at thirty and subsequent years of single parenthood - I'll forever thank you for that.

I can't let that blind me or bind me to you though, it's neither fair nor healthy.

Having said that I want you to know absolutely, for as long as it beats there will be a place in my heart bearing your name. This is not something I give easily but you truly deserve it. You earned it for all those times you helped stop the black dog chasing me over the edge of a cliff, for all the wee small hours of insomnia you shared with me without question or judgment, for the millions of moments of madness when I had no-one but you and you were always, always there, no matter what.

Of course, needing you is really the crux of my problem with us. I don't need or rely on anyone anymore - haven't done since I was seven years old ffs - it renders me vulnerable and I have major problems with the v word. Why am I even saying this to you? You know it more than I do! You know it - know me - most of all; you and I, we've been together longer and held our relationship stronger than any other in my life. For so very long it really was you and me against the world...

Still, the purpose of this is clarity, honesty and, let's face it honestly, it's been a long time since I was able to exercise any control in our relationship. I know it looked like I chose when to let you in but, truth? You slowly but surely wheedled your way into my life, my mind and my psyche, told me I was like nun other and made yourself my habit -god, we were so funny when we were together! - made sure I had no option but to call for you.

It's taken such a long time for me to realise that you were actually causing more problems, sleepless nights and depression than you were solving. I didn't want to acknowledge it, completely refused to place the blame where it belonged for a very long time but I can't lie to myself anymore. I need peace, I need honesty, I need reality and I need to admit that our relationship is denying me these things.

Please don't ask if we can remain friends. I know from our previous, short-lived separations that the only way is to have no contact whatsoever with you or any of your family.

Brandy, I'll miss you terribly but it's over.

Angie

x

11 comments:

monkey said...

a rough weekend on the ale Ange???
we all have those times till next friday.

Vi said...

Nooooooooo

I don't believe it!

Are you having an affair with my mate Vodka?

Peach said...

two weeks dry me - you can do it !
XXX

MommyHeadache said...

Hmm, I've got a feeling this is going to be one of those on again off again relationships. Or maybe you will briefly find comfort in the arms of Tequila before becoming one of those holier than thou teetotalers

Mr Farty said...

So, not fags then? Drat.

Joanna Cake said...

Hmmm... I bet you finished that bottle I gave you for Xmas first tho?

I have to admit that I too have cut back on my dependence on the amber nectar and restrict myself to a small snifter just once a week... unless Im going out. In which case, I have a skinful and then refuse to quaff any for the next several weeks in remorse (and often embarrassment bearing in mind what occurred under said influence).

I wish you and your separation well x

Utter Basketcase said...

LMFAO!! cute post!!

Thanks for your comment on The Adventures of RAT GiRL!!!!

Let me know if you have any more problems... I'll get RAT GiRL to kick Brandy's arse!!! :-P

*GiGGLeS* xx

Midnight said...

So if you are finding brandy sour does that mean baileys has sweet talked his way into your life?

Utter Basketcase said...

BTW RAT GiRL Part 2 is out if you wanna go see it!! :-) xx

Ariel said...

Is it B for Brandy or B for Booze, as in generic? Either way, think of the advantages - more cash in your pocket, clearer skin, crystal-clear recollection the next morning, better breath... I used to be hopelessly in love with booze once but it betrayed me so I left it.

JW said...

Oh, you mean brandy as in the booze? I thought you were saying goodbye to the young lady you've been seeing on the side ... ;^)