Brown stuff and air circulatory machines
This afternoon I get a call that starts 'Hello Mrs Marshall, this is Mrs Blah from...' and immediately I launch into my guess which of three schools are phoning me game. I was wrong, it wasn't No 1 Son wanting to be brought home and nursed for his sore throat having soldiered through his exam by the power of paracetomol and strepsils, it was Babygirls teacher.
This confused me (not difficult, I know), Babygirl injures herself fairly regularly and I always get a call from the office lady, never the teacher herself. She's never naughty cos she loves school so wtf is going on? Teacher tells me that Babygirl is upset, she's found something very sensitive and didn't talk to me about it in case I got upset but talked to her friend about it, got overheard and is now sobbing cos the whole class know. I tell her I'm on my way and wonder what the hell is going on? Has she found the blog too? Part of me is livid, wondering if I have any fucking privacy at all and part is sick with worry cos I'd heard her crying in the background and she was obviously distressed. I don't know what went faster, my mind or my car.
I got her home and snuggled her up while she cried it all out. She hadn't found the blog, she'd found the newspaper clipping of step-fathers court appearance. I had to keep it to show my nice policelady (so she could kick someone's arse for not ticking a 'no newspaper reporting' box) but tucking it away in a 2004 diary obviously wasn't as foolproof as I thought it was because, apparently, it fell off the shelf as she was looking for a cd-rom. She'd read the name and was sure it was her grandad but she'd also read the rape charge and was understandably shocked and upset. She then told me that she'd showed Babyboy this morning to try and get confirmation that it was 'grandad' but he'd fobbed her off and that's why she talked to her friend and it all got out of hand.
I didn't think I could hate him more than I already did. I didn't think I had any more rage and hate in me. Not till I had to sit my 10 and 12 year old children down and talk to them about things that no kids of that age should have to think about did I discover that my capacity for hate is limitless and dangerous.
They went to bed tonight much more settled after our talk which, if nothing else (fucking hell, must I always find a silver bloody lining?!) allowed me to explain why I'm overprotective sometimes and why I argue with Babygirl about her clothing requests. And ended with them giggling when I said that if I so much as thought anyone was going to do anything similar to them I'd cut their bollocks off and make them eat them in meatball sauce.
There's always room for a little humour, little did they know that beneath the smile I was deadly fucking serious.
11 comments:
oh mate, im an old(ish!) woman not related to you by blood or umbilical cords, and just reading what you write here (and wrote today) makes me shudder and cry and get so angry on behalf of you, your sister and the little girls you once were. I can hardly imagine the feeling babygirl (and the boys) have over this.
I think though (damn me and my silverliningness too!) that now its out in the open with the younger ones, he can NEVER hurt you guys again. This is it now. You FB, unfortunately are still gonna have to go thru it with the court case etc, but as far as messing with ur whanau is concerned, theres nothing else he can ever do and nothing for you to have to hide anymore.
Your kids are so lucky to have a mum who doesnt stand for shit, and knows what is right and wrong, and has the balls and character to follow up on this and follow it through. They truly are blessed to have you, oh, and you tell a mean meatbollock sauce 'joke'. How could they not giggle.?
How could you not be deadly fucking serious.?
I really respect you for being so strong and determined about doing the right thing. I hope you are feeling less stressed FB. I'm thinking of you (and trying not to leave you a million hugs and kisses, its so not me!)
xxx
i couldn't read your post and not leave a comment, but i can't think what to say that won't sound clumsy so shall leave it to J de V who said it so well. Your children are lucky to have such a strong mum
x
this is my first visit to your blog and was shocked by your latest post.
I cannot begin to compare my experiences with what you have gone through.
however last year I was having problems with my two younger boys hardly ever attending school, they were always ill. I was lenient with them as we were all going through a tough time as I was divorcing their (mentally abusive) father who was still living in the house. finally my youngest talked to an adult at school it seems he didnt like to be at school as he was afraid that something bad would happen to me if he wasnt there to protect me. Unfortunately he had witnessed (aged 9) many things he shouldnt have (his father threatening first to stab me then himself)amongst others. Only a few years earlier he had to cope with me being ill with cancer.
Now the divorce has gone through my ex moved out by court order, we have been to court over his threats to kill & intimidating a witness(me) but at the last minute he pleaded guilty. But most important my kids are now happy and are coming out of their shells. we can put it all behind us and are moving on.
Like you I always have to find the silver lining.....maybe a trait of essex girls
I did get sick of all the teachers and the police telling me they thought I was very strong.....I did not feel strong. But as a mother I had no choice but to be strong. I would have been no good to my children if I had gone to pieces.
good luck
Thank you so much, ladies.
Journalling is a good outlet but blogging is so much better with the feedback.
I had a chat with the headteacher this morning to fill her in on the whole situation. I've known her for years, she's lovely and extremely supportive of me and babygirl and another one that used the 's' word. As ladyinred said, I feel I have no choice but to be strong but I know of other parents that aren't, so take the compliment, lady; we deserve it.
I also heard yesterday that a similar case ended in a ten year jail term. I really hope he read the same article.
It never ceases to amaze me how much serious shit goes on in people's lives. I'm glad mine is so boring in comparison.
I love the way you were able to inject some humour into such a seriously disturbing situation, that's a great quality in a person in my opinion.
It's good that they know about it now, so if anything similar happens to them, they'll come straight to you, knowing it's wrong, and you can make that meatball sauce.
My mum finally told me a couple of years ago that she had been abused for a few years by her uncle. It was her mum who discovered it one night, and fled, leaving mum there still being abused. Her mum had run to the next village to tell someone, but mum felt abandoned. When the police found out, they took all the children (mum and her two sisters) off of her and put them in an orphanage. All this time she told us she was at boarding school. I of course, told her about a time I had been abused (not nearly as bad) when I was 10. She was gutted that I had not told her, she would have killed the guy if she knew. She also said she wished she had told me about it when I was younger so I would have been more aware and not kept it a secret.
Have courage, but you ARE courageous already.
I was very moved by your post and really don't know what to say except I think you are a top woman.
Hey there FB,
I read your blog and so often I laugh that I forget what shit you have been through. I don't know you and will probably never meet you but I admire you, and am proud of you. You are an amazing woman and mother.
Much love and hugs
Hx
Oh crap. I have to post something and sympathise with all the shit you've put up with, but ugh. I hope all goes well.
everyone's already said it but wow - what an awesome person and mother you are FB. So glad to see you are not letting him win by staying strong for you and your kids...no wonder they are such wise and sorted people already, and that's down to you. Best of luck for the trial, I hope he get what he deserves. Gxx
Post a Comment