Tuesday, October 17

One more sleep

You know the way that little kids count down to occasions like Christmas? That's the terminology I used when I rang to tell my sister that our step-dad would be arrested in the morning. She, as a counsellor, immediately related to me this showed my inner feelings to be that of a child that thinks all their dreams will come true through the arrival of a particular occasion. Personally I think it's because I was in full kiddy mode myself, having just finished teaching karate to a class of 4-10 year olds and hiding round the corner for a crafty smoke before the next lot, that aren't much older, turned up. But that's probably me being in denial.

Anyway, by this time tomorrow I should at least know whether he's admitted or denied it (therefore forcing a trial that we'll have to testify at), which does actually feel a bit like waking up on Christmas day to finally discover whether you got what you wanted or just part of the money it costs and that 'it's for your own good, you'll appreciate it more if you have to work towards it yourself' look. The cynic in me thinks that by this time tomorrow I'll have been informed that he died of a massive heart attack during the arrest and my mother topped herself soon after. And that they'd made new wills bequeathing their complete joint estates to the local cats home, with their daughters to pay any inheritance taxes incurred. She's a pessimistic bitch that cynic in me but I do love her so, she's kept me safe and relatively sane for a long time.

A turned up to help teach the slightly older kids class and began the usual messing around till he realised I was being stricter and more technical with them this week. Afterwards he put his arm round me and asked what was bringing me down but as we were walking to take our places in front of the adults class at the time I didn't feel it prudent to bludgeon him with the truth at that point. I can't help but wonder what he'd have done if I'd told him right then. Just come out with it and all the emotions that went with it, right in front of 20-odd students. Him having just given me the update of how his ex-wife is acting out, being a stereotype spurned wife and ignoring his calls to the kids etc., with the loaded statement '...and people don't understand why my head is so fucked' at the end.

This is the kind of stuff that makes me a fussy bitch. He's basically telling me that his life is so hard and I'm stressing him even more cos I'm not understanding this and hanging around doing the 'supportive but expecting nothing back' thing. And all the while I can't help but think he's got it easy, don't know he's born, really ought to grow the fuck up... that sort of thing.

I've done divorce from someone that doesn't want it to happen (the t-shirt is too big and has the wrong neckline but that's another thing). My ex-husband climbed a 120ft crane in the local docks and threatened to throw himself off if the police didn't get me there to talk him down. I couldn't stop laughing when they told me where he was cos I'd spent years listening to him say he had a fear of heights since he fell off the scaffolding he worked on when I first met him. But I went along cos he's the father of my beautiful children and he was already back on terra firma by the time I got there so I got taken off to the the police station (where the 'domestic violence officer' offered me a lift home and subsequently hit on me - lol! I should have had him, he was short but very sexy. What can I say? I was stressed and missing my kids that day!)

Ick, I'm losing the plot now but I'm thinking I should mention the guy I have a date with on weds night...

Nah, fuck it. For 1) I'm getting pissed now and for 2) I don't want to jinx it.

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