4 calls and an eavesdropper

It's not that I'm loud, it's just sometimes you can't help overhearing things. I was mid call when I joined the queue, as if hearing one side of a conversation isn't confusing enough the poor woman in front of me only heard the last knockings of that...

"No, you'll be fine as long as you really get the blood pumping and stretch the thighs and hips out first"

"Seriously babe, even I was nervous my first time. You'll feel great once you're into it, I promise.
You're plenty good enough, just let your personality out and no-one can fail to love you!"

"You won't! I tell you what; if things go badly then call me and I'll talk you through. It's more likely that you'll ring me after and tell me what fun you all had though. Ok now? Good - go get 'em! Bye, darlin' "


No sooner have I snapped the phone closed, it's ringing again. Our House by Madness tells me it's someone calling from home and I answer with

"Mummy has run off with the milkman. This is a recording"

'You never believe me! Try re-booting the box'

'Sweetheart, think about it. Why would Tony Blair block your MSN?'

"Tell him I said he's a poopoohead. I'll be home soon, stick the kettle on, eh? Love ya"


Two more people get served and the queue moves up as this plays to warn me that the ex husband wants to talk to me. My eyes roll but this one is short and sweet.

"Hi"

"Duke of Edinburgh"

"Sunday. As usual. Bye"


Two more people then it's my turn. I put the phone back in my bag and fiddle about retrieving the stuff I need when it starts singing at me again. A song that makes me smile even before I pick up this time

"Hello, you!"

"Mmm. Missing you but fine, you know me. Anyway sod all that, how's Hong Kong?"

"Er, yeah. I got confused looking at the time differences, I did email though"

"How much?! Who spends that much on champagne for Gods sake?! *laughing* Oh hell, it wasn't one of those bars that make you buy bottles -" (I was cut off fairly quickly by protestations of innocence at that point before continuing at my end)

"Well I have no sympathy but bloody well done for getting to work after all that. Chicago won't be as, er, social, will it? How long are you back for in between?"

"Damn, is that all? Never mind, we'll sort something out"

"Sainsburys. Yeah I know, it's just too glamorous being me! Bye, darling - thinking of you too"

The woman in front of me was called to a counter at last. She'd done well at being subtle up to that point but couldn't resist turning to get a proper look at me as she was served. When I thought about it afterI reckon I'd want to know who the hell talked such randomness in the Post Office at 4 in the afternoon too.