Don't smack this bitch up
I love sex. Really, for someone that had a far too early thus fairly shitty start to it all, I'd class myself as a bit bloody rampant where consenting adults are concerned.
I've done the dressing up stuff, broken bunnies, made email fantasies happen, used things that need batteries one would normally only see when taking a watch to the jewelers, seconded my electric toothbrush and been a willing third wheel for partying.
Suffice to say I can be very, very rude given the opportunity and will grab it, as it were, with a huge grin and a trysexual attitude.
Even so, I still don't get the whole 'hurt me' thing.
I totally understand how a bit of light bondage can be horny. On a social level I think it taps into most women's collective memory of sex being naughty so being tied and 'forced' to submit can be freeing for them. On a personal level there's just something about my lover being in charge and my not having to make decisions that makes me gush. Bing is a big, strapping Yorkshireman and worries that he'll break me, I'm the one screaming that I love it and that I'd tell him if it were otherwise. These are trust bonds that couples build up over time and doing so is sexy and fun, I get that.
I also understand how pushing boundaries can be sexy. I think most women will recognise that moment when it's just that good, you're so into it and turned on that the no entry sign falls right off your arse. You look at your man and tell him his backdoor fantasies are about to come true and you don't care if it's icky or it hurts you just want it. Right now, dammit!
I'm also very partial to a nibble on the neck but boob biting that leaves teethmarks on the tits? I didn't enjoy that when I fed my babies so why would it feel nice now? There's a fine line, in my head and in my bed, between pleasure and pain and I'm really curious about where this lies, and why it does so, for other women.
I read about women going into sub-space, where the pain they are receiving from implements and/or insertions sends them into an altered mental state. Is that the pay-off? Is it a high? Somewhere peaceful in a busy, noisy life? Can't they book an hour in a flotation tank instead?
I accept that my views on sub-space are coloured by my earlier experiences, my only frame of reference being the way my mind would drift somewhere else while my body was being abused. I don't want to attach judgement to this but I have real trouble understanding how someone (because I know it's not just women that enjoy this) could volunteer for that kind of experience or even seek it out.
Surely it stops being about sex between two people when one of them has to hurt the other enough to send their mind out of the room? Can someone, please, explain this to me? Feel free to be anonymous if you prefer but really, I'm looking to understand, not judge in any way.
4 comments:
I dont enjoy having my tits bit either. But the other 'hurt me' thing I am starting to understand. Not for me, though, the slapped/caned arse from cold with no warm-up, no foreplay. It has to be an integral part of that particular session - a sort of culmination of the high. I discovered this with the paddles. There came a point where, just like the removal of the no entry sign to your arse, being thwacked across the butt with them harder and harder and harder, whilst stimulating my own clit, just sent my orgasm into overdrive. It's not sending my mind out of the room and separating myself from him and it, but more like stepping outside of it and watching myself be pleasured. Whether I could extend that to canes or other more painful implements than the paddles, Im not sure.
'Subspace' is interesting... that's what I enjoy about it -- almost an intellectual appreciation for the moment when I attain it. I think, "Cool" when it happens, if that makes sense. It's not something that I consider a high, though, or something I seek. When it comes to pain, the big turn-on for me is the fact that I can... it's like an athletic accomplishment in a way... where it hurts, but you get to say to yourself, 'Boy, can I ever take it. I am so tough.' The bondage part of things... that's where it is freeing, that whole idea of handing over control.
So.. the whole BDSM is a wide range of feelings, for different purposes. Sometimes, though, it's okay to want something just to prove that you can do it / take it. Why not? :)
Nope, can't help you there.. that's one thing I've never been into either!
I can assure you it is very much about sex. If I were to go up to H. right now and tweak her nipples, I know exactly what the response would be. She'd yell the place down and give me a good slap. In the context of sex, however, it can certainly increase the intensity and duration of her orgasm.
You must know from your martial arts experience that pain is subjective, it can be moderated and in some circumstances the nerve impulses which we normally feel as pain can give rise to a pleasureable sensation.
I put this question to H. the other night and we both agreed that a large part of the turn-on is the total trust that has to exist between the two people. You're not going to spank on a first date. For us it was something that evolved over years to the point where she is willing to put herself in a position where I could do her some serious harm, but her trust in me is absolute. For my part, her putting herself in my hands says more about her feelings for me than words ever could.
I don't consider myself to be a sadist as such because what I am doing is giving her pleasure. I am certainly not a violent person and have never raised a hand to her in anger. Had I ever done so, I know tha necessary level of trust could not exist between us.
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