Antiflora
Seems to me that more people are looking forward to Pancake day than St Valentines this month and this made me think... crikey, don't I know a lot of greedy old loners?!
Sad mates aside, it planted the seed of a business opportuity in my head, one to run alongside Fartsmelt Cards and further build my evil empire, muhaha etc.
It would be called Antiflora and the main business would consist of beautifully wrapped bunches of Japanese Knotweed and stinging nettles, prettily boxed helium balloons that, when released, burst and throw itching powder everywhere (because I'm having trouble sourcing balloons that can hold drawing pins and survive during transit) and fabulously packaged chocolates made entirely from laxative and sprinkled with crack for that 'more-ish' touch.
However, the most exciting aspect is looking for a delivery company for my extra special idea of T-hugs. These would look similar to the cute little teddies and rabbits you see but, rather than having words like 'hug' on their tummies, they'd be personally delivered with a smack in the gob and a card saying you'd been sent a T-hug on account of being a total fucktard!
This time next year I'll be a millionaire!
Anyone that would like to prove my personal cynicism wrong with gifts of flowers, chocolates or alcohol need only email for my address, obviously.
6 comments:
You have a wicked imagination FB and you seem like a potential entrepeneur to me! Maybe you should try getting on the Lion's Den (I think that's what the programme is called).
I'm not looking forward to Valentines Day myself, but I'll be recovering from my birthday celebrations the night before (in fact from Thursday I'm out every night on the pop) so will probably sleep through it anyway!
Let me be the first to be on your mailing list!!!!!
You may be a millionaire but you'll also be covered in drawing pins, itching powder and nettles.
middy I think you mean dragons den......my entreprenerial son (future) watches it.
FB I think thats fabulous. I am dreading st Valentines because for once I have someone who does want to do something for me on the day!!! Im just not sure I want it.
The funniest card I ever got was when I was 16 I had had a couple of dates with a lad a whole yr younger than me but I had dropped him a week before he sent me a card and not being very bright signed it .....a fiend
I thought it highly appropriate!
Yeah that's the one LiR, thanks!
brill idea FB! christ, I hate V's day...single or attached I just can't stand all the commercial, slushy bullshit that comes with it...urgh!
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